Revenge Advice
Advice is for entertainment purposes
only. No advice should be acted upon without first receiving legal
council. You are of sole responsibility for your own actions.
Hi,
This morning I was woken up by my friend who told me that someone had
left a "present" on the drivers seat of my car. So before breakfast on a
Tuesday morning I was shown the dirtiest, biggest sh-t sitting on the
middle on my car seat. Not dog sh-t, or cat sh-t, but human sh-t. Later
on I figured out it was one of two guys from my hall of residence who
were drinking (there's no-one else here as it is the holidays). So, I
want to find the ultimate form of revenge...they also have a car. Please
give me some options, that I can subtly f-ck with there heads.
Cheers,
K, New Zealand
Hi K,
You're right in asking for revenge against these guys. They deserve to
be played in the worse possible way. Here are some suggestions for you:
1. When they go out drinking (or stay in drinking), have their car
towed. Have it moved 3 or 4 km away. Or another town, if possible. Tow
truck drivers are great for helping in this type of revenge.
2. Write a love note, as if it was from a cute girl in school, asking
for a date. Leave it on their windshield. Her name and the phone number
to call is your option.
3. Get to be friends with the custodial staff. Explain what's going on.
Ask if he/she can change their room door lock.
4. If the hood doesn't automatically lock on their car, open it up, go
into the air filter and leave behind a hunk of cheddar cheese. That'll
smell them out.
This should be a good start for you.
Best wishes,
Robrob8
Dear
Robrob8,
I've been dating this guy on and off for four years. Of course we've had
our problems in the past but I've always made sure he's known when he
steps out of line. Well our most recent break-up left me hurt and
confused and of course wanting revenge. We were dating for about 4
months and he told me that he couldn't get serious just then so I
finally told him to pick up his stuff and hit the road because I deserve
better. Two weeks later I find out he's "seriously dating" this girl
that used to be an acquaintance of mine. In all honesty she's so low
class it's laughable. She's 21 (he's 19) hasn't graduated high school,
has no plans for higher education, works in our local mall, and thinks
she's a model (which is actually her posing nude and in her underwear in
some guy's basement). Not trying to sound arrogant, but I believe she
needs to take her white-trash ass back to the trailer park. She and
several of her friends have threatened to beat me up and in some cases
kill me. My ex is no better. He continuously spreads rumours that I'm a
nutcase and he can't believe he ever dated me (even though he was always
the one who came back to me). Well I'm not one to have my name dragged
through the mud and after all of his shit that I have put up with I'm in
need of some serious revenge on both of them. I've already taken steps
to get my own revenge which include egging her car and also sending
pictures of her half naked in lingerie to my ex-boyfriend's mother (who
I know will not approve being the good Christian that she is). I still
feel these small attempts at revenge are not near enough for all of the
pain he has caused me over the years. I need SEVERAL ultimate revenge
ideas that I can carry out over the next 5 months until I move to
another city. I feel this situation needs the help of an expert so I'd
greatly appreciate your help! =) thanks so much
Sincerely,
Tired of Putting up with his Shit
Hi,
Well, there are several things that you can do, without crossing into
blatant criminal behavior.
Create some business cards with her name and his phone number on it.
Have written on the cards "Love by the minute" and leave them all over
town.
Do the same for her, with his name and her number on it, "Gay love by
the minute".
Leave the cards in bars, bus station washrooms, restaurants, everywhere.
If he is working, find out the name of his boss and send flowers.
Something romantic. The same for her.
Order the flowers in person. Be sure to pay cash, leave no trails.
Make up a gift basket, with cookies and chocolate. Replace the cream
filled centers of the cookies with toothpaste. Find no-sugar chocolate
and other really, really bad snacks to include. Leave it on his door,
with a note from a neighbor apologizing for some loud party or
something.
Create and post signs for an open house party for him. Pick a Sunday
afternoon for people to drop by.
Do the same for yard sales, kittens free to a good home and my favorite,
in your local newspaper place a "Found" ad. They're usually free in the
"Lost and Found" classified section. Describe a wallet with cash in it.
Or an expensive watch. People will call for weeks trying to claim it.
I hope this gets you started,
Best wishes,
Robrob8
Dear
Robrob8,
Please help me with an idea or even several ideas on getting revenge on
a person who has crossed the lines of respect.
This woman I have known for fourteen miserable years. The only reason I
have tolerated the acquaintanceship is because her eldest son Michael
and my eldest son Bobby were truly Best friends and I helped to raise
her children who I love like my own. Michael, who died from cancer at
the age of nineteen, lived with me and my family for most of those
fourteen years of knowing him. His mother is an alcoholic and drug
addict who has tormented me and mine for a long time and she dropped the
camels last straw today.
Her and I are in our early four ties which rules out a good old ass
whipping, so help a grandma get revenge. I don't want serious
consequences...death, or any legal action. I have considered a
copperhead or rattler in her mailbox, but I am also looking for
alternatives, I am too clumsy and really don't want to risk myself. I'm
not a wimp I am a practical person. Please give me some advise as soon
as you can because my temper will overwhelm me and I do not want to
loose control and kick her ass. I have a wonderful family and do not
want to waste time in jail.
Please help, C.
Hi C,
What you need to do is get yourself one of the funny bumper stickers
that are available. Then one night put it on her rear bumper.
What I suggest will torment this lady in return. And give you great
cause for celebration as her torment becomes evident.
These overbearing, loud-mouthed, opinionated people can never fathom why
someone would invade their space. A rude/crude bumper sticker will do
just that, while immunizing yourself from serious crime committing.
Best wishes,
Robrob8
Dear
Robrob8,
My husband has a co-worker who we'll call Bigfoot, who keeps spreading
awful rumors about everyone. Yesterday Bigfoot crossed the line and
called my house and told me my husband was cheating on me with another
co-worker, whom he is friends with. I know for a fact this is not true.
This co-worker that he is friends with has some problems that no one,
but my husband and I know about. She has an abusive husband (that she
won't leave) and she has a serious illness. Well not only did Bigfoot
call me, but she also called the co-workers husband. So not only is she
trying to ruin our families but she's also putting this woman in danger
of her husband. Plus throw into this that we each have children. This is
someone who is pure evil, she gets her kicks from the pain she inflicts
on other people. She is not a friend of any of us, so even if it had
been true, she has no right sticking her nose where is doesn't belong.
She called me from work earlier in the day, but hung up just as I picked
up. Not long enough for my husband to do anything through work.
So now we want to know, what can we do to her, that we won't get caught
at, risking my husbands job. And we aren't the only ones who will get a
kick out of this. Nobody like her!!
Thanks Robrob8!
Heather
Hi Heather,
This is what you're going to do:
You're going to arrange to have some flowers delivered to her at her
work.
They will be sent anonymously... with a message.
This is the message:
Dear 'Bigfoot",
Please accept these flowers as a token of my love for you. Although
we've worked together for many years, I've finally found the courage to
approach you. Give me a signal and let's get together soon.
Of course, there is no name signed to the message.
This will shake her up and give everyone else something fun to play
with.
Best wishes,
Robrob8
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