Things Guys Should Know About
Girls
David DeAngelo – author of Double Your Dating ebook [Robrob8's favorite
dating guru]
________________________________________
...OR...
"The Ewww Factor"
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular
woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman...
but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to
her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction
grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem.
As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew
more and more insecure.
Why?
Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards
him.
Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and
"I'm glad that you're in my life"...
but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage.
There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her...
and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an
emotional issue.
But something was wrong with the picture.
She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was
acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that
amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he
grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his
girlfriend.
Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to
spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man
finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT,
that she would feel the same way.
So he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he was felt. He confessed that
he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her.
She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I
really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're
too important to me...".
This only confused the man more. He didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of
something?
Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give
him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let
her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to
be with her.
He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with
her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her
a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened.
She didn't reply.
He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her.
She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you
a call soon, I have to go"...
and hung up...
...but he never got a call back.
Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what
went wrong... and what happened.
THE END
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heart warming, huh?
I know, I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance
novels...
Now, let's talk about that story. That story is basically a MYTH. And
I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A
story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because
you can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for most men?
Because we've all been there in one way or another...
at one time or another... and many of us have been there OFTEN in our
lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the
powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful
negative experiences that it reminds us of...
Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.
They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and
SOLVE the puzzles that they represent. In this particular situation I
think there is a solution. And it lies in understanding a secret that
women know but MEN DON'T.
And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn't
ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince
her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they actually make things
WORSE. In other words, the very things that a man does to try to make a
woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like him. They make her run.
All those great intentions and emotional dedication actual cause the man
feeling them to do things that make her go away.
It sucks.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you
I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
THE "INSTANT EWWW"
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand
the message that we're communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that
others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it that
cost more than the car itself...
with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw
sound of the 4-cylinder motor...?
Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't think that car is
communicating the message to women that he thinks it is"...?
Yea, I have too.
Well here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a woman know how you feel"... but she isn't
ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling that like to call the "Instant Ewww".
The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and emotional
response of ATTRACTION. Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin. Once a woman feels
the Instant Ewww, she will start behaving differently.
In short, she'll disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the "Instant Ewww"?
I got it from WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word "Ewww" when describing
how they felt about a guy that was "confessing his love"... of course,
these were guys that weren't loved in return.
So what causes the Instant Ewww?
And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice...
a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels? Because if
you think about it from HER perspective, you'll realize that the moment
a you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the
relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, women always know how
men feel. She already knew you wanted her. She knew it from the
beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel,
you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does
repel them.
In summary...
You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by
doing nice things for her...
Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you HURTS you. It
backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so
she'll NEVER like you.
Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing
what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it because they don't have an
understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make
them like you more... and you do some nice thing for them, they will
probably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way, and she doesn't
"feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want
HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only NOT like
you more, she will most likely distance herself from you.
Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman... as if
that's part of the necessary process of getting a girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you
Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself with women who
aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets the
"Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a
particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER.
Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter...
Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says "From
your secret admirer".
Don't call her three times a day.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.
If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use "The Kiss
Test" that you learned on my website and in my book).
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to
find out how she feels...
and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a woman if she's interested in your in a romantic way, or if you
are "her type" will actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you.
Really.
The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the
FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely. And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning. One does that
by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and
emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered. One does that by knowing
what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you'd never ask...
If you'd like an introduction to my basic concepts, you should go and
download a copy of my online eBook
"Double Your Dating". You can download it right now
and be reading it within a few minutes from right now.
www.doubleyourdating.com
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David D.
